I’ve been away from reliable Internet for the last several days for the holiday season. In that time, I was given an iPad. Thanks, Mom. On the long ride home, I acquainted myself with the keyboard by hammering out an unusually long post in the preinstalled Note app. Aside from it’s length, it was more somber and honest than I’d normally publish in a non-fictional piece. I don’t mean to imply I’d ever be intentionally dishonest when discussing myself; only that I wouldn’t normally go into so many details.
Unfortunately, once I was back around wifi and could set to work on the tablet in earnest, I promptly deleted the entire post while attempting to transpose it into WordPress. It was completely my fault, but was perhaps not the worst thing that could have happened. I wrote things that needed to be written, but acknowledged openly that I was addressing myself without giving consideration to the reader. It might have been an interesting read, and having it online would have certainly provided me with a concrete personal reminder for however long this site exists, but it might have also come across as self flagellation or even self aggrandizement, which were things I did not intend.
Either way: it’s gone now. So it goes. I can at least try to summarize it’s message for the curious.
In the nearly three years since I purchased this domaine, I have made almost no use of it. I intended to provide myself with an emotional and intellectual outlet while promoting myself in the pursuit of a career. My specific choice of career has changed several times in those years, and may change again. Suffice it to say I have never yet held a position I’d refer to as “my career.”
I have also developed a serious addiction not to any chemical, but to self hatred. While I believe humility is a virtue worth practicing, I also believe, or have come to believe that virtues behave much like essential chemicals: any of them can become toxic in high enough doses. Whether the reverse is true for vices is something I’ll leave the reader to decide.
Ultimately, I have forced myself to embrace the prebuilt ease of blogging software as part of a goal to escape the fatalistic stagnation I’ve become dependent upon. Future content will be designed to showcase my talents as a writer, host and thinker, as well as my interests in entertainment and social awareness in this world of multimedia. I am of course aware that there isn’t anything inherently special about having and voicing opinions in the age of the micro blogger. My methods are limited, but I do have means of promoting myself as aggressively as I am comfortable with so, while public exposure to this blog cast will be specifically limited at first, I am content to preserve the honesty of not being constantly aware that I have something to sell.
I’ll be happy for anyone who finds something of use here. I’ll even be willing and eager to discuss my content. What I write and say here is not, however, created for anyone’s explicit benefit but my own. If that sounds unwelcoming and conceited, recall that I have always been first in line to denounce whatever achievements I may have been accused of reaching, and am engaging in a kind of public self-rehabilitation. If it makes me sound any less crass, I’ll points out that I have no criteria by which to gauge success, assuming I happen across it in the first place.
All that said, I don’t intend for this to be a dark, introspective journal. My thanks to anyone who chose to read this statement of purpose to it’s conclusion. If nothing else, you’ll be better equipped to adjudicate anything else of mine you review than, I expect, most other people.
That’s all I have to say tonight. Hopefully I’ll provide better entertainment in the morning.